સ્વામી શિવાનંદને પત્ર
Date: 22nd Jan. 1941
I beg leave to usurp your precious time and go through the following with due consideration.
I am a young Brahmin of 19. My father died when I was 9 and after that time I was brought up in an orphanage in Bombay. I failed in the first year Arts there and I had to leave Bombay.
Before three or four years I was tended to examine my days regularly. I was practicing सत्वसंशुद्धि every night before going to bed. After sometime my heart became full of love towards all and my mind full of perfect peace and pleasure. Since that time I have been writing poems and articles in Gujarati.
Just after that I realized that everywhere there was something, which was my own आत्मानुभव and a keen thirst from inside made me uneasy; the thirst for becoming one with the soul spread everywhere. Sometimes I wept at night; sometimes I sang सोहम् सोहम् near the singing storms of the sea and sometimes in my heart lined a silence for so many hours. Knowledge of schools and college seemed nothing to me and that is why I failed last year.
This year I came across one Swamiji – Swami Jivantirthji. He was greatly pleased with me. I made him aware of my only ideal, self-realization and persisted in asking again and again as to how I could reach that in due time.
Now about my mother, she is at my native place, Saroda near Ahmedabad. She maintains herself by hard work and some help by my maternal uncle. When she knew that I have resolved for self-realization, she was greatly impressed. Settlement was made for my marriage, which was undone by the great GOD. I have resolved not to marry until I attain self-realization and am ready to sacrifice my whole & sole for this great goal. My mother has just written me to take up some service, which I do not like. Whom shall I serve - for the poor stomach? I am the master myself. This is a very good period and I fear if I jump in maya - which I can not; I shall be nowhere. I meditate three or four times a day. I like निर्गुण meditation. Doing everything I keep ॐ in mind.
I wish to practice Yoga well and to become a great yogi. I keep silence and live in solitude. I shall get a good shape if I get some solitary place and someone like you - the Lord Shiva, to guide. A day will come when I will enchant the whole world. I read your pamphlets and booklets, which are really very nice. I have been really attracted to you. I am in great difficulty but I will get way.
Swami Jivantirthji is aware of all this as he is greatly interested in me. He suggested me to go to Rishikesh and promised to keep me under you, but he is going to Bombay after a couple of days. He will return after a month, which is really a very long period for me. Hence I have written this.
What do you suggest? Service? Or hard practice for self-realization of any way? I wish to come to you. I beg I must be given proper guidance in Yoga. I wait for the day when I shall sit before the feet of the Sat-Guru, You; and awaking through this untruth shall stand before the Divine truth.
Anyway, I put my head to your feet. O lord, lead me to the land of light. न तत्र सूर्यो भाति न चन्द्रतारकं नेमा विद्युतो भ्रान्ति कुतोङयमग्निः। Oh! When shall I realize this? I will realize and realize it very soon. I am born for that. Oh I am Sat-Chit-Anand. The Lord is ready to embrace me and I must go to Him!
Hoping for an early answer,